"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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