Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
