weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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