That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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