What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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