i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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