It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
