I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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