Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
