You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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