I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
