we have officially lost it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
