no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think my moral compass just broke
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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