What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
