I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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