don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize