Have you finally orgasmed yet?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
