you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
