Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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