I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
