I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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