I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We talked him into tasing himself.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
