I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I want is dick and wine.
jump out the window naked night went bad
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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