Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
