the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
