I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize