yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
