I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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