the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize