i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
