Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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