i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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