anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
