Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
