I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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