What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
