i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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