I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
