Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's get the cat blown out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
