Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
