i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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