My hand turned me down
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
