He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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