There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
