I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
