I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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