cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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