oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
