I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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