What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
