Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
