I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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