Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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