if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
