Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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