i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
