OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
