Michael Bay diarrhea
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize