The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
