should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
