I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
