so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
