So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
