No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
