defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
