Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
