i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
